Tag Archives: pizza

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SNL Taco Town

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Sex and Pizza Sauce

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This comes from the advice column, ‘Ask Isadora’ April 6, 1995

Q: I am a healthy 30-year old male. My girlfriend and I enjoy a happy, active sex life. Recently we discovered a new twist we both enjoy. We bake an 8×10-foot pepperoni pizza in sections, assembling it on our living room floor which is covered with sheets of black plastic. My girlfriend goes into the living room, shuts off the lights, and activates a life-sized animatronic figure of the pope which stands at the end of the room. They pope’s eyes light up and he begins blessing the enormous pizza and my girlfriend, who reclines thereon clad only in slices of cheese. I am outside the room at this point and the doors are closed. I can hear the theme from ‘Rocky’ being played within as I wait, dressed as a huge clove of garlic. When the music reaches its climax I burst through the door and hurl myself upon my girlfriend and we copulate madly at the the foot of the robot pope while I shout “Poperoni! Come on Tony! Not a phony! Poperoni!” Anyway, my question is this: could garlic pizza sauce be hazardous to human genitalia? Could you recommend any particularly arousing brand?

A: Now really, those of you who accuse me of making up the letters that appear in this column, would a sane professional woman concoct a letter like this and risk offending Catholic readers, ‘Rocky’ fans and vegetarians alike? Not I.